Present {Five Minute Friday}

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

My old high school teacher used to say this quote all the time.   And when he said it we would all kind of roll our eyes at him and half heartedly finish the quote. 
I didn't see it then.   The power of this phrase.  How living in the history can cause depression and how living in the mystery can cause anxiety.  
How blessed we are for today. This very moment. 
How truly this moment is all we have.   We never know what is to come.  What will lie around the next corner of life. 
But we can be thankful for this day.   For this gift from God.  

I won a print that says, Today I am thankful. 
I think once we can be thankful for today, and not what we had or hope to have, that we begin to truly live.  To feel joy and live out gratitude. 
This is one of the hugest lessons I learned while being sick.  There is always much to be grateful for and the more you thank God with every breath, the more you see joy and the blessings.

This is truly the day that The Lord has made,
So let us be glad and rejoice in it. 
Whatever it may hold.  May we rejoice. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Linking up with LisaJo and many other lovely ladies for Five Minute Friday!  Please do go and read some of the other takes on today's prompt: Present

Also I'm happy to say I am going on an adventure to the gulf islands this weekend - a wonderful gift indeed.  Look forward to chatting when I get back. 

Xo

In Between

It is Friday again so that means linking back up with Lisa Jo and the wonderful Five Minute Friday community she hosts.  
Writing for 5 minutes.  Unedited.  Raw.  Real.

Won't you hold my hand and join me?

Here we go...
In Between


The In Between.  I relate to this.  Waiting.  No longer where I was.  But yet not where I will be.

When something you had is taken from you, you can either sit and long to be back there or try and find the journey to receiving back what was lost.  
But in doing so, you end up somewhere new.  Always.

Because of the journey.  Because of the experience of seeking.  Of waiting.  Of being in between.

I know that in my life, I am in a definite time of in between.  
And you know?  As hard as it is, as hard as it can be... I wouldn't trade anything for what I have learned in this time of waiting.  Waiting on health.  Waiting on answers.  Waiting on God.

It has felt like a long journey in the desert.  I was somewhere that I thought was good, but it turns out, it wasn't where I was meant to be.  My direction has changed.  My eyes have been opened.  My heart has been torn.  Torn and rubbed with the sand of the desert.  Hurt and made raw.
But because of that, I can feel better than before.

And in the pain, the wondering, and the real, I find hope.  I see the light that this too shall pass.
I won't be in the desert forever.  But right now I am. 

So what am I going to do with it?
 
What will you do with it?


I pray we can embrace it.  Learn from it.  And seek Him - the True North - to bring us through.

Most of what matters in life doesn't come through big moments. Change happens gradually, over time. And the vehicle for our transformation is an unexpected one. We learn our greatest lessons from delays, setbacks, and inconveniences — through waiting.
At a time when our culture is calling us to hack our way into greater productivity and efficiency, what we may need to do is the opposite. To slow down. As we do, we may learn that it's not the experiences of a lifetime, but the life in the experiences, that determines who are and what we will become.
THE IN-BETWEEN is a call to embrace the importance that waiting plays in our lives, a reminder to be present and acknowledge the lessons life is trying to teach us in the slower moments.
Welcome to the wait. 

- Jeff Goins

If you liked what you just read by Jeff Goins, consider pre-ordering his book called THE IN-BETWEEN and by doing so get a bunch of free stuff from him!  Check it out here!


And if you missed last week's Five Minute Friday, hop on over to Unforced Rhythms of Grace

Unforced Rhythms of Grace

Every Friday women link up at Lisa-Jo's blog and write for five minutes.  Five minutes only about a word prompt given by Lisa-Jo.  It is left unedited and raw.  Thanks for joining me in my Five Minute Friday!  I encourage you to give it a try also.  Whether you blog or not!  Write it in a journal, the comments of my blog, or go over to Lisa-Jo's!  
If you missed my previous Five Minute Friday blogs, you can check out Falling and Listen.


Here we go: 
Rhythm


I'm struggling to find my rhythm.  Any sort of rhythm. 
My days aren't predictable despite the fact that I almost do the same things every day. 
I feel different.  I hurt different. I see things differently. 

I got a cold and have now had any sort of try at finding a rhythm taken away, as the little energy I had is now almost all gone. 
So I sit here and rest.  Rest and wait.  Wait to be able to join the dance.  Join the song.  Join the rhythm of life. 
And I hear these words, oh so tender, Join me. Join the unforced rhythms with me. The unforced rhythms of grace. 

I realize I couldn't find a rhythm for I was trying to dance to ones I could no longer dance with. Sing with ones I could no longer hear. 
But when I stop trying to find my rhythm and instead rest in His - it changes. 
I can relax.  Stop trying. And learn to dance the most beautiful slow dance to a glorious song in the arms of my Lord. 
I can hold onto Him and live. Live the rhythm of life - life to the full.

“Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:28-30 MSG)

Listen

Last Saturday I wrote my first 'Five Minute Friday'.  I didn't really follow the rules, as I was anxious about having a time limit of only five minutes to write.  With Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I experience brain fog, hand cramping, headaches, and anxiety.  Thankfully not all the time, but the lovely combination of those symptoms (and others - click here to read more about my symptoms in a previous post).
Yet despite this, I decided to join a community of bloggers that write every week from a prompt on Lisa-Jo's blog. Lisa-Jo writes a prompt word on her blog and then whoever wants to can join in and write for five minutes about whatever that word prompts them to write about.  Here's the catch - you cannot go back and edit or change it. So what is written is often raw, honest, and moving. It isn't over thought but rather it is written from the heart.
So bear with me, as I work through this weeks prompt 'Listen' and please forgive me if I am unable to follow the 'rules' exactly pertaining to time.  Thank you for your graciousness and for taking the time to read this post, to listen to another part of my story.

Here we go...


Through this time of confusion, struggle, and searching for some sort of treatment, I have learned to listen.  To listen to doctors, to listen to my friends, to listen to my family, to listen to myself - my heart, my mind, and most importantly my body.  But even more importantly than just listening to my body through this time, I am learning to listen to God and that He listens to me.

He hears my cry.  He hears my questions.  He hears me at all times.
And He answers at all times.

He doesn't always answer how I would like and at times He seems deafeningly silent.
But I often realize, in those times of silence, I am asking for a specific answer and refuse to hear anything else.  Or even worse, I am not listening for His still voice.

Listening requires stopping.  And stopping is hard.
It is hard for a lot of reasons but I know that when I stop, when I am still, the Lord is never far.

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah (Psalms 61:1-4 ESV)

But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer or removed his steadfast love from me! (Psalms 66:19, 20 ESV)

The Psalms talk a lot about Our God who hears us and this has been such a comfort for me.  My friend Kristen wrote a post, He Hears, about this too, which was very timely and reassuring.


And stop!  (I did it! I wrote in 5 minutes. Good bye anxiety and please don't come back because I can do this!)

If you missed my first 'Five Minute Friday' post, Falling, you can read it here.

Falling

A couple of the blogs I have begun to follow write for five minutes every Friday. They write for five minutes from a prompt on Lisa-Jo's blog.
I don't know Lisa-Jo but I do know that her idea of five minute Friday causes women to gather together in community and write truths from their heart.
The concept of five-minute Friday is that you write for five minutes and five minutes only from the prompt she posts. You don't go back and edit. You leave it raw, honest, and imperfect.  Which somehow seems to make it perfect.  For you hear from the heart. 
The concept scares me a bit. Having a time pressure gives me a bit of anxiety.  
That is something that is new to me.  Anxiety. I don't really think I was anxious much before but lately it has been a bit of a struggle.
So for the first time, I decided I would write. Write without a time limit but still write on the prompt.  And I guess it doesn't matter much as it is Saturday today anyways!


So here we go... My version of Five Minute Friday....
Fall

Fall is a word that doesn't sit well with me.
I think it is beause it looks a lot like fail.

I am a recovering perfectionist.  Some days I am better than others but I haven't seemed to find the cure yet for that one.
Failing isn't an option for me. Falling isn't an option.
Well it wasn't.

Now things have changed a bit and yes I have almost fallen because of my weakness or dizziness.  Because of my imperfections.  Because I am sick.
I have failed to be who I thought I would be.  What I thought I would be able to achieve.
I am not a nurse.  But maybe that is good for I think I seemed to fail a bit on the self care aspect.  I tried to always care for others, help those who needed it, say yes to everything.
But now I cannot.  I failed that. I have fallen from that place.
Fallen far from the person I expected myself to be.

But you know what?
Somehow falling has taken me higher.
It has made me fall to my knees.  Fall to my knees with outspread arms.
The falling made me open my arms.   Stop the juggling act I was trying to control on my own.  Let go.  Open arms wide. And cry out.
Cry out from my knees.
And the crying, the questioning, the anger - it has all led me fall onto my knees in worship.  To fall onto my knees and fall more in love with my Father who never lets me fall.
For I fall into His arms. His arms that hold me close with His steadfast love. 

And somehow this is okay. 
This is okay because falling down from my high personal expectations has caused me to fall into Him.