Graduation and Dreaming

I want to challenge you all to remember your time here and the things we have been taught, value the time spent here and use all the things you have learnt to remind and help you in the future.  On the grad retreat, when we were river rafting, I did something really out of my character, I jumped off the boat into the river, and I don’t regret it for one moment.  So I want to encourage all of you guys to do something out of the ordinary, something none of us would expect you to do.  Do something that the world does not think you can do.  Do something you want to do and not what everyone else says you should do.  Do something that will impact the world.  “Trust God from the bottom of your heart, don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go.  Don’t assume that you know it all.  Run to God!  Run from evil!” (Proverbs 3:5-7) Congratulations Grads of ’09!  We did it!!!!

Four years ago, that is how I ended my valedictorian speech to the graduating class of '09.  My baby sister is graduating today and has thus caused me to walk down memory lane.  To think of old friends, crazy retreats, and encouraging teachers.  To think of all the excitement and hope we had for our futures.  What was to come after graduating and entering into the 'real world'!

Looking back over what I said, I wonder if I would've changed what I said, if I had the chance to do it again. I don't think I realized how many crazy, fantastic, devastating, and joy filled moments life would hold since that day. That never would we all be together again.  Never would I have the chance to say something to all my friends and their family members. And no one probably never remembers what I said but I still wonder, what would I say differently?  If I had the chance today, what would I say?

Since that day life has changed drastically for many of the people in my little class of 42.  Further schooling and careers have come, marriages have happened, life has been born, and a life has been taken.  

The little blurbs they read describing each of us and our ambitions as we crossed that stage may not even be close to who we are and what we are doing today.  But those were our dreams.  That was who we were. 

I pray that since then we have all become more mature and better people. That we are living out the challenge to do something that we want to do - to do something that will impact that world. 

I hope we are living out our dreams - whether they are new found dreams or ones we have been dreaming for a long time.  I hope we are somehow impacting our world for the better. 

And I hope and pray that my baby sister and her friends have been empowered and equipped to do the same. 

And you know, looking back on it, I don't think I would say much different.  Sure we may be in totally different places than we imagined at the time, but our call to follow God and seek Him in all that we do remains the same.  The challenge to make an impact in our world and live out our dreams still stands.  

And however different  our dreams may be now, I challenge us all to really think about what we dream about and to take the steps of faith necessary to be able to live them out!

Congrats to the class of' '13!

{updated with photos from last night!}

Spirit Lead Me

Spirit lead me where my trust is without bordersLet me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

- Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong

Where feet may fail.  Where my feet fail. 

Where my feet fail and yet where my faith grows. 

These last seven months have been deep waters.  

Oceans deep. Where waters roar. 

The water all around me seems to be rising - rising to waves that no one would be able to escape.  Seas so rough that even the most skilled sailor would not be able to navigate them. 

Yet somehow, in this raging ocean, peace and comfort come. 

I am not tossed overboard to drown but made firm through a love that never waivers.  A God who never fails.  My Saviour who holds me tight while the boat rocks fiercely.  The true life vests that enwraps me - holds my head above water.  Above water no. matter. what.

No. matter. what. 

Even when doubt creeps in.  When I wonder if that anchor can truly hold out in these seas.  When I wonder if I will make it.  If I will ever see land again.  If the waters can be made still.  Yet praise God that His faithfulness does not depend on how great my faith is.  He is faithful no. matter. what. 

He holds true to all His promises. 

He is mine and I am His.  His daughter.  His daughter no. matter. what. 

Just before leaving California this morning, the sun came out.  The sun came out brighter than it had all week.  A true gift indeed from the Father.  

A glimpse of true beauty.  A glimpse of the still sea.  The sea where the sun always shines.  Where I am in the presence of my Saviour. 

Where I feel true joy with the sun wrapping its warmth around my weak body. Where I smell the sea breeze.  Where I see the dolphins surfing along the faithful waves with graceful agility.  Where I look up and see the pelicans flying.  Flying home together.  

And now we fly home together but that wonderful morning where I felt His presence, saw His face, and heard His comforting song through the ever constant waves stays with me.  

We fly now.  We fly I can can continue my prayer from this morning of Spirit lead me.  Spirit lead me to walk along the water.  The waters you ordain, wherever they may be, whatever they may be like, and whenever you may call.  Lead me.  Lead me along the water.  Where my feet may fail but your guiding arm of supportive will never fail. 

So now as we continue to fly among the clouds, I have my head in the clouds.  Like the mountain poking through, I dream thousands of feet in the air.  I dream of where He may lead and what it may look like if I follow along the waters. 

If the video does not work, click here

Here's to Dreaming

I look forward to when the moon rises and I can escape to dreamland.   I find my dreams very interesting as sometimes I am sick and sometimes I am not.  In some of my dreams it seems like part way through my brain remembers I am still sick and then dream-me remembers it too.  But sometimes I am free from any hindrance that being sick brings and I am hiking mountains, dancing with friends, or playing volleyball in a hot tub (that was last night haha!). 
Many people with CFS have difficulties sleeping, which may seem weird as you would think someone who is chronically tired (among many other things - you can read my blog post on my symptoms if you haven't already) would have the best sleeps.  But that is definitely not the case. 
I have dealt with insomnia.  Sometimes being awake for hours on end in the middle of the night. Sometimes waking up over ten times throughout the night. Sometimes not falling asleep for hours. Always waking up in the morning feeling as though I didn't sleep at all. 
Thankfully I am sleeping almost straight throughout the night now thanks to my lovely sleeping pill combo.  A couple hours before making the move to my own bed upstairs for the night, I take 6.25mg of methoprazine and then about 30 minutes before I take 30mg of nortriptyline and 7.5mg of zopiclone.  When I first started taking zopiclone, they told me to take it in bed as it makes some people fall asleep instantly.  Not the case for me, but I do remember that being the case for some of my patients during night shifts as a student nurse!
It still usually takes me a while to fall asleep once I am in my bed, but when I do fall asleep it is bliss.  My sleep still is not very restorative.  But I sleep. 
This morning when I was replying to a message someone wrote me last night, I almost echoed back their good night wishes.  I caught myself but wrote it to them anyways and then added Good morning!
But I sleep. And when I sleep I dream. Because I remain in a light sleep for a majority of the night, hence my sleep not being restorative, I dream a lot.  My dreams are vivid too.  
I like dreaming.  In my dreams I can be whoever I  want, wherever I want, and do whatever I want.  I am not held back by the laws of physics or any inhibitions I my have.  I dream and I love it.   

I wonder what life would be like for us if we could all live that way - without inhibitions. 

What if we all lived out our dreams?   Not our dreams from when we sleep, but dreams from our hearts. 
What if we could somehow act on our dreams without letting our minds talk us out of them? 
I think the world would be a much better place.  Much more filled with generosity,  love, kindness, and ultimate joy!
I think it would be much closer to the way things were in the beginning. When we were made in God's image and sin had not entered the world. We wouldn't be ashamed or worried what others would think.  We wouldn't care if people called us crazy.  Life would be so much more of an adventure. A wonderful adventure walking with God.  
I have definitely been a dreamer. One who wants to push the limits of a normal Canadian life.  One who goes, does, changes and in doing so is changed. 

But now I don't really know what to dream.  I am sometimes scared to dream because I do not know what is possible. I don't know what I will be able to do.  When I will be able to do them.  I don't know how long this will last, what life will look like in the future. 
But I am reminded and encouraged that all things are possible. 
That I can continue to dream. And dream even better dreams.  Dreams that are different from what I could have imagined before and that makes them all the more exciting. 

I started reading "You're Made for a God-sized Dream" by Holley Gerth this morning.  It is the first book I have attempted to read, besides my Bible, since March I believe. I only got a couple pages in before I started getting a sore head and aching eyes but already it has inspired me and given me hope for dreaming.  And dreaming big. 

So here's to dreaming. Dreaming for something other than the American dream.  
Dreaming our own dreams that God has placed on our hearts!