Present {Five Minute Friday}

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

My old high school teacher used to say this quote all the time.   And when he said it we would all kind of roll our eyes at him and half heartedly finish the quote. 
I didn't see it then.   The power of this phrase.  How living in the history can cause depression and how living in the mystery can cause anxiety.  
How blessed we are for today. This very moment. 
How truly this moment is all we have.   We never know what is to come.  What will lie around the next corner of life. 
But we can be thankful for this day.   For this gift from God.  

I won a print that says, Today I am thankful. 
I think once we can be thankful for today, and not what we had or hope to have, that we begin to truly live.  To feel joy and live out gratitude. 
This is one of the hugest lessons I learned while being sick.  There is always much to be grateful for and the more you thank God with every breath, the more you see joy and the blessings.

This is truly the day that The Lord has made,
So let us be glad and rejoice in it. 
Whatever it may hold.  May we rejoice. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Linking up with LisaJo and many other lovely ladies for Five Minute Friday!  Please do go and read some of the other takes on today's prompt: Present

Also I'm happy to say I am going on an adventure to the gulf islands this weekend - a wonderful gift indeed.  Look forward to chatting when I get back. 

Xo

I am grateful for today...

Today I am grateful. I am grateful for today. 

That is how I start and end every entry in my gratitude journal.  And as the days continue, there is more and more I am grateful for. 
I am walking more and more. Barely in bed anymore.  Visiting with friends.  Leaving the house more.  Yet going to less and less health care appointments. 
Doing more of what I love. 
Reading and writing more.  Sitting in the sun.  Talking with friends and family.  Enjoying nature.  And dreaming of creative ideas, as I plan to start painting again soon because my arms are getting stronger!!!

Today began with me awaking from my deep sleep in almost the same position I fell asleep in - so it's like really deep now! And began my day with my devotionals and some blog reading alongside breakfast.  Then I had a lovely eucalyptus and Epsom salt bath.  Got ready for the day and then sat outside in the sun.  I didn't hold onto anyone through this entire process and got up and down a few times (including the stairs twice!). 

Then I went with my mom to pick up a package I had been expectantly waiting for (the one I talked about in this post that I won!) from Abbey at Surviving our Blessings!  And while standing in line - yes I walked into a store to get my own package! - I got talking with a lady as she commented on the marks on my back from cupping (some my Chinese Medicine Doctor does to help get my blood flowing better and relieve tension!).  She thought it was from paintballing, so I proceeded to tell her no it was from acupuncture and although looks like it hurts doesn't hurt at all!  

And that led into what I was going to acupuncture in the first place and how it has been 8 months since I had this mystery of an illness that is labelled Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  Then the guy (who was really good looking) behind her piped up and said he was in the hospital for 3 or 4 months with something mysterious too and it's been 3 years of him dealing with it still (pain and numbness are his main symptoms).  He had been given the CFS diagnosis too but wasn't satisfied with it.  He has had many doctors tell him it's all in his head despite tests showing low immunity, his heart going over 200 at times requiring an ER visit, and other things.  Anyways the line was long so we ended up talking for quite a while about all these things we had in common because of our health.  He was even in firefighting school and had to stop that because of how sick he got.  And of course we didn't exchange names or anything, which I kind of regret so I am hoping to run into him again!!  Today was the first day in a long time I felt like I could even considering dating someone, let alone liking someone again!

We then went to my GP who I haven't seen in over a month and everyone in his office was so so so happy for me.  My doctor gave me a huge hug and wanted to know about everything.  I ended up going in because both my big toes are infected (sorry if that's too much information for some of you!) because of ingrown toenails that got really bad from my compression stockings.  I haven't worn the stocking for probably 3 weeks now as my toes have been so painful but regardless of what we do, they aren't getting better.  But I can handle infected toes if it means having energy and looking forward to life!!  We also discussed slowly decreasing my sleeping medication and seeing how that goes :)
Then after my appointment, my mom and I went to pick up a prescription and get some groceries.  At the pharmacy I took my blood pressure and thankfully it isn't extremely low and my heart rate was under 100! 

 After this, we saw my sister at her new job in a deli beside the Pharmasave. She was getting picked up by a friend so she needed someone to drive her car back home.  And guess what?  I did it!!!! I haven't driven in 8 months and I drove today!  And despite being illegal (as my drivers licence expired while being pretty much bedridden), it was awesome.  And to be honest, the illegal part kind of made it all the more exciting!  (Yes I am kind of bad, but I didn't get pulled over and Thursday I plan to get my license renewed)!

And now after eating dinner on the patio, I am relaxing to the sound of birds singing all around on this peaceful summer evening. 

Oh and also some BIG news... yesterday my best friend and I signed a rental agreement on a basement suite of the most gorgeous house in an amazing community!  The landlords are so wonderful and I cannot wait to live with my best friend and gain a bit more independence again. 

So all in all - things are so very amazing!
Thanks for caring enough about my life to read about my daily events that have brought me so much joy, thanksgiving, and hope!

Today I am grateful. I am grateful for today. 

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:6-11 ESV, emphasis mine)

My Wonderful Mom

My mom is incredible.
And it is her birthday.
Her big 5-0.
But like one of her birthday cards said, "It's like getting 5 perfect 10s from the judging panel!"

She is beautiful.  Kind.  Caring.  Strong.  A disciple of the Lord.
Passionate.  Giving.  Wonderful.

She has done so much for me.  I truly believe if it weren't for her I wouldn't be feeling as good as I am now.
She has stuck by me and with me through the worst.  She has never failed to bring me wherever I need to go.  She has booked endless appointments and fought to find an answer to help me. She has always supported me and encouraged me to do what I love and make a difference in this world.

She is tender yet strong.
And I have learned so much from her.

She has never judged me or doubted the way I was feeling.  She never tried to convince me not to go on antidepressants or sleeping pills because of the stigmas attached to them.  She has always valued my opinion about what I feel is best.  She has pushed me to do more while still helping me with everything that was needed.

And today is her birthday and though it marks a big milestone I believe the milestones are just going to get bigger and better and she continues in this life.  As she walks closer and closer to The Lord.  As she gains knowledge to be a health coach and give to others - yes she is going back to school with ME! Read more about it in my latest post.  As she goes to Guatemala and sees the lives she has impacted (her wish was that everyone would donate to the Seeds of Tomorrow project instead of give her gifts!)
Watch this short video to see more about this amazing project that my dad imagined and has partnered with others to make possible!

She is amazing and I wish you could all meet her.
She is my mom and I cannot imagine life without her quiet and beautiful spirit.

Who Says?

Who says?

Who says I cannot get my hair done? 
Who says I cannot paint my nails, wear red lipstick or dress up just because?

I don't know if anyone would tell me I couldn't. 
Anyone except me that is. 

Because I am sick...  
That is what the voice in my head keeps whispering.
... Because I am sick, I cannot.

Why should I put energy into doing any of these things? How could I?

I am tired. I am sitting at home and no one is going to see me. I don't feel lively or energetic.  I don't feel beautiful. I don't have any one to impress. 
And then would people question even more if I was truly sick?

These toxic thought circle around my mind.  Becoming more and more engrained. 

I have to look sick.  Fill the part of being sick for that is what I am.  

Slowly, without me even realizing, being sick has become far too much of my identity.  I live and breathe sick.  I cannot remember what it feels like not to be sick (as I mentioned in my last post Daughter). 

But why should I focus on being sick?  Why does being sick all of a sudden equal me?
It's not like it has changed who I am?  Yes it is my reality but it isn't me.  And the more I make it me... The harder it will be to heal. 
And the harder to heal, the more sick I become. 
I think that's what I was going through when I realized I was actually depressed.  
Once I stopped denying this was my reality, it became so much of me. I couldn't see the light anymore. I couldn't dream about what is to come. 
I was stuck.  Stuck in both my body and my mind. 

So with antidepressants doing their job, added awareness on my part, and with effort to get out of that rut I was stuck in, I am slowly transforming.  Transforming my thoughts and taking back my identity. 
It's like the muck I was in is drying up.  The sun has come out and the windflowers are beginning to bloom. 
The more I focus in the beauty around, the more I change. 

Beauty is all around.  Beauty is transforming me.

I am seeking joy.   Looking for the gift of everyday.  Believing that in weakness, His strength truly shines.  He makes me shine.  And I can be His precious princess who is beautiful. 

I am beginning to ask myself new questions.  New questions helping form this transformation.

Instead of asking myself about my pain,  I am asking myself how am I feeling great today?  Taking the focus that became so narrow from the negative to a broader reality. A reality where there really is so much positive. 
Where there are new and good things.  Things that bring me joy.  That give me strength. That heal. 

So again I ask, who says?  Because I am choosing to no longer be the voice that says I cannot be happy because I am sick.
So being sick no longer means I shouldn't do any of these things for myself.  That I shouldn't smile and have fun. That I shouldn't do something girly. 

Practicing gratitude has been a huge thing in changing my day.  I am keeping a gratitude journal and now in my day I seek out things that bring me joy and get excited to write about them. 

My cheerleader, already made friend, and health coach said, "Who says you cannot have the most fun of your life right how?" 
And she has been giving me tools to help me heal and transform.  Tools like the gratitude journal!

Gratitude is something God has been teaching me a lot about.  Over Christmas this past year, a couple months into being sick, I began to read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. (If you have not read it, I highly recommend it!  It changed and is still changing my life.  Also it is on sale for only $9.99 at DaySpring.com.  Click here to get it!)

The truths of her book are seeds that have begun to sprout into the wild flowers of my life. 
It has opened my eyes to see the sacred in every day and with the help of my health coach getting me to restart my gratitude journal, my world is changing before me. 

The tagline for her book is a dare to live fully right where you are. And that is what I am embracing.  Because who says I cannot live fully where I am now.  
No one.  Because I can!

So now begin and end my day saying I am thankful.  And that starts becoming my breathe through out the day.

Today, I am thankful.
I am thankful for today. 

And you know what?  That beautiful print right there?  I entered a blog giveaway from Surviving our Blessings, and I won that!  And Abbey at Surviving our Blessings told me some of her story and I know that Gid brought us together for more than me winning her draw for her apparently famous cookies and this print, but He brought us together to give encouragement, joy, and comfort.  And the blessing of this beautiful reminder that I will be able to look at all the time.  

And remember this lesson that has changed my life. And is changing Abbey's too.  This is what she writes about her blog:

Gratitude, like faith, is a practice, so I'm practicing. There's always a reason to celebrate, always something for which we can be thankful, even if it is hard to see sometimes. This blog is about practicing gratitude...about finding reasons to be grateful in the midst of the mundane, daily events that make up our lives. ... Even ordinary days are gifts.

Oh, and I also did something girly. Something for me.  

I got my hair done. And you know, I feel beautiful!