I Will Go

In the times of our hearts waiting upon The Lord, what do we do?  Do we quiet ourselves?  Seek His face and His face alone?  Cry out to Him?  Go out alone to pray and meditate on His will? 
In my time of being sick, I definitely have cried out to Him.  Cried out to Him with real tears, with anger, with confusion, with wonder, with hope... Cried out to Him - Him who answers. 

But I didn't always do that.  My mind ran its laps around trying to fix me.  Trying to find the answers on its own.  Trying to pull things together on my own strength. 
But despite my unfaithfulness, He remained faithful and answered my cries, helped stop my mind from running me into the ground of anxiety and depression, held out His hand, and asked me to say yes.  
Yes to Him.  Yes to His plan.  Yes to relying on Him - not me nor the people around me.  Yes to Him and Him alone. 

I am saying Yes.  I wanted to all along.  Even from before I was sick.  But I couldn't let go.  I couldn't seem to open my hand in order to have it filled full - filled full with His hand. 
His hand to lead and guide me.  To hold and love me.  To comfort and calm me. 

In my morning devotions, I read Genesis 24.  It talks of Rebekah's marriage proposal to Isaac.  How Abraham had made his servant promise to go and find his son a wife - a wife from his kin.  And the servant made this convenant to him.  He promised and prayed his way to finding Rebekah.  He asked God to lead with His angels.  To guide him to the one worthy of his master.  
He prayed this in his heart, we are told.  He didn't shout it out.  Praying for a sign of the lady to be the bride.  He whispered it in his heart and God provided the sign. Gave the answer.  Showed His face clearly.  

What must Rebekah have been thinking when her offer of water led to gifts of good and a wedding proposal to her relative - the son of a man with integrity and great faith?
What must she have been thinking when she went back and announced what happened to her?  Did she doubt that this was God's plan for her?  Did she cry out to God asking why she must leave everyone and everything she knew?  Did she try and control things so her plan for her life would work?
Genesis 24 doesn't give any hints to her denying God's plan but rather knowing that this man was blessed and a messenger from above.  It was her family that wanted her to stay longer.  To keep her.  To maybe change the plan that was so suddenly revealed. 
But they honoured her, respected her, and asked her opinion. 
Her response was simple yet so profound, "I will go."

She says yes.  She opens her hands, letting go of her hopes, and takes His.  And He guides her to a man that loves her.  And upon seeing him in the distance praying and meditating, she humbles herself.  Places the veil over her face.  She showed humility, honour, and subjection to him. 

Have I done that?  Have I honoured him?  Placed my veil over my face and held onto Him who loves me?  Have I let go and said yes?  Will I go?
Will you go?
Go to the one who loves abundantly? Our Groom?
Can we say yes to him?  Open up our hands again and tell Him we will let go and let Him lead? Let Him lead no matter what?  Because however many times we close up our hands, He has His hand open a million more times and extends it to us.   He extends it to us and we can let go again and grab onto Him.  Onto our True Steadfast and Comforting Love. 

And they called Rebekah and said to her, "Will you go with this man?" She said, "I will go." (Genesis 24:58 ESV)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Part of One Girl's link up called Chasing History about looking at stories of women in the Bible and connecting with them.  Seeing how they relate to us today.  So here is my story today. Her story that impacted me today.  Check out Chasing History for more!


Photo credit

One Word

I stumbled upon One Word 365 today. It is meant to be in place of a New Years Resolution.
You choose one word.  You don't create a list.  One word is manageable. One word doesn't require making all these goals that I fear not being able to achieve. I can do one word. 
Yes, I know it's not January 1 but it is still the beginning of something for me. I choose to start my 22nd year with a word. A word that will hopefully shape my year. A word that could shape and transform me. 
Since starting my blog, I have begun to enter a new world. I have found other bloggers who are going through life with similar struggles. I have entered into other people's wonderful stories and been transformed.  Some blogs I am told about, others I search for, and others I just happen to get to. I just happened to find Tanya's blog, Thorns and Gold.  As I read her post on her 'word', I felt as though my words were spilled out and typed by a different set of hands.  Her word is 'anyways'.  She writes that despite not being able to do things perfectly, she will do them anyways. (You can read more about it here.)
I am a recovering perfectionist. Reading that post was refreshing for me. I do not like failure or being wrong. I still do not like it but I am slowly becoming less afraid of it. Her post reminded me to do things anyways,  even if I cannot do them how I used to do them.

Do them anyway. In a new way. Do them. Any way I can. 

My heart seemed heard these words. Felt them. Let them soak in. 

I don't believe finding her post and One Word 365 today was just a coincidence. Yesterday marked 22 in my life journey and I am feelin' 22. I am loving it. I feel different. My outlook has changed. I feel like the grey cloud above my head is slowly lifting. I feel a little stronger. I feel like I want to try different things. I want to live life - even if it is from a bed for who knows how long.
So my word for this year is open. 
Open to what God has in store. Open to His plans and timing. Open to His answers to "what now?".
Open to hearing Him, seeking Him, finding Him.
Open to research, testing, and treatments.
Open to living.

My word is open and I invite you to choose your word. 
To let a word transform the rest of the year, to transform you. Even if it is May 21.
Better late then never, right?

Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law. (Psalms 119:18)

... Open your hearts also (2 Corinthians 6:13)