In my time of being sick, I definitely have cried out to Him. Cried out to Him with real tears, with anger, with confusion, with wonder, with hope... Cried out to Him - Him who answers.
But I didn't always do that. My mind ran its laps around trying to fix me. Trying to find the answers on its own. Trying to pull things together on my own strength.
But despite my unfaithfulness, He remained faithful and answered my cries, helped stop my mind from running me into the ground of anxiety and depression, held out His hand, and asked me to say yes.
Yes to Him. Yes to His plan. Yes to relying on Him - not me nor the people around me. Yes to Him and Him alone.
I am saying Yes. I wanted to all along. Even from before I was sick. But I couldn't let go. I couldn't seem to open my hand in order to have it filled full - filled full with His hand.
His hand to lead and guide me. To hold and love me. To comfort and calm me.
In my morning devotions, I read Genesis 24. It talks of Rebekah's marriage proposal to Isaac. How Abraham had made his servant promise to go and find his son a wife - a wife from his kin. And the servant made this convenant to him. He promised and prayed his way to finding Rebekah. He asked God to lead with His angels. To guide him to the one worthy of his master.
He prayed this in his heart, we are told. He didn't shout it out. Praying for a sign of the lady to be the bride. He whispered it in his heart and God provided the sign. Gave the answer. Showed His face clearly.
What must Rebekah have been thinking when her offer of water led to gifts of good and a wedding proposal to her relative - the son of a man with integrity and great faith?
What must she have been thinking when she went back and announced what happened to her? Did she doubt that this was God's plan for her? Did she cry out to God asking why she must leave everyone and everything she knew? Did she try and control things so her plan for her life would work?
Genesis 24 doesn't give any hints to her denying God's plan but rather knowing that this man was blessed and a messenger from above. It was her family that wanted her to stay longer. To keep her. To maybe change the plan that was so suddenly revealed.
But they honoured her, respected her, and asked her opinion.
Her response was simple yet so profound, "I will go."
She says yes. She opens her hands, letting go of her hopes, and takes His. And He guides her to a man that loves her. And upon seeing him in the distance praying and meditating, she humbles herself. Places the veil over her face. She showed humility, honour, and subjection to him.
Have I done that? Have I honoured him? Placed my veil over my face and held onto Him who loves me? Have I let go and said yes? Will I go?
Will you go?
Go to the one who loves abundantly? Our Groom?
Can we say yes to him? Open up our hands again and tell Him we will let go and let Him lead? Let Him lead no matter what? Because however many times we close up our hands, He has His hand open a million more times and extends it to us. He extends it to us and we can let go again and grab onto Him. Onto our True Steadfast and Comforting Love.
And they called Rebekah and said to her, "Will you go with this man?" She said, "I will go." (Genesis 24:58 ESV)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~Part of One Girl's link up called Chasing History about looking at stories of women in the Bible and connecting with them. Seeing how they relate to us today. So here is my story today. Her story that impacted me today. Check out Chasing History for more!