Seek My Face

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek." Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation! For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in. Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies. Give me not up to the will of my adversaries; for false witnesses have risen against me, and they breathe out violence. I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord ! (Psalm 27; emphasis mine)

This Psalm touched me greatly while I was quite sick a few months ago.  It was such a comfort to me and one that seemed to keep coming up in things I looked at and read.  My devotional, the book I was reading, someone's status, .... Its truths just kept hitting my heart.
And I began to cry out, "Your face, Lord,  do I seek."

This helped change my focus from my circumstances.  Gave me comfort.  It was something I would keep reading.  Hoping this would become my heart's cry.  That I would learn to mouth these words.  That they would become engraved on my heart.  That I would seek Him. 
And today when this came up in my morning Bible reading, I was reminded.  Reminded of the comfort it brought me.  The change of perspective it gave.  
And slowly it was carved out deeper into my heart today.  Today when my heart remembered its cries from months ago when the weight of "he will lift me on a rock" was all I hoped for.  That He would hold me up.  Up from my circumstances. Up to Him and be comforted in His arms.  
And something new in the last verse hit me today. "Let your heart take courage; wait for The Lord"
Wait for The Lord.  Take courage and wait.  
It brought me comfort then and now in retrospect it brings even more. 
Wait on The Lord.  Seek Him and wait. 
I waited.  Tried to seek Him.  Looked for Him and for understanding through it.  
But I too often got stuck in the trying to understand it part and not just on Him.  
But I am slowly learning.  Learning to seek His face. 

And today something clicked inside of me.  Like a spark that I could no longer contain. 
I had to create something.  Something that connected my heart to His. 
Something that I was made to do. But something I had stopped. 
And to be honest, I stopped and was afraid to start again. 
With everything in my I wanted to create.  I wanted to do one of the things I loved the most.  The thing that blazed a fire in me.  That my mind and heart kept rethinking ideas for.  What colour I could do things.  What medium I could use.  But I was afraid.  I was afraid I wouldn't be able to anymore.  That I would start and be stopped.  Unable to continue.  
Like the last time a few months ago that I tried to paint.  I loved it but I couldn't do it.  My arms couldn't hold up the brush and canvas.  My brain couldn't handle just letting go and creating.  I couldn't keep it together.  I couldn't do what I could. 
And you know, since then I have tried to draw.  To make art of some kind.  
But it often ended quick too.  I would love it. But would stop.  Stop mostly from fear.  

But today when that spark was lit in my heart, something beautiful happened.  I focused on Him and couldn't help but pick up my sketchbook. 
And so I drew.  I created because I was inspired.  And it was a way I could seek Him.  See His beauty. 

You have said, "Seek my face."  My heart says, "Your face, Lord, do I seek."

And so I drew.  And my heart opened up.  Breathed in and out His name.  And felt a part of me alive that I hadn't in a long time. 
And this passion that was relit began to grow and soon grew into flame. 
And my passion to create was opened in a new way. 
And I did something I have never really done with art. 
I drew and wrote out His praise. 
His truth. 
His beauty. 
And I saw His beautiful face like never before.