Monday, May 20, 2013

A Happy Day Indeed

Today is my 22nd birthday. It is hard to believe. Life is definitely now what I thought it would be like when I used to dream and think about what being 'an adult' would look like when I was a kid. Heck, life isn't what I dreamed and assumed it would be just over 6 months ago. At a first glance, it is so much less, so much more confusing. And yes it is confusing, but somehow it is more than what I had assumed it would be.
I thought at this point I would be graduated with my Bachelor of Science in Nursing, be working as a New Grad nurse, be living with girlfriends who also graduated with me, and be adjusting to a whole new and exciting chapter of my life.  I expected this and was so confused, disappointed, and shattered, as I realized that what I am going through couldn't just be fixed by some medication or a surgery.
But as dark and depressing as these times have been, they have also been richer than I could ever of imagined.  There have been days where I begin to question what my purpose could possibly be and wonder what I would be able to grasp onto to make it to the next day. Yesterday was one of those days. As I wrote about being worn yesterday morning,  I struggled to lift my eyes up to Christ throughout the day. I was stuck in a ditch that filled my head with all the things this past year did not hold.  I felt like my birthday would not be a happy day for me to celebrate. I was just caught in a spiral of dark sadness.
But God still threaded hope and peace into my day. Wonderful words from friends, a conversation with my sister that was filled with tears, being able to be outside for a little while and feel the sun, seeing life from another view than just through my window. Although overall the day was very rough physically and emotionally, I praise God that I was still able to go to bed thanking Him for the day and pieces of hope and peace and able to ask Him to guide and sustain me anew.  I was blessed with rest and slept almost 12 hours.
I awoke and was blessed with such peace. A dear friend had sent me a beautiful photo last night which I awoke to. It was so peaceful and filled my soul with good.  I also awoke to a couple wonderful texts from some of my closest friends.  Every where I seemed to turn this morning, His peace and joy filled me.
One of my friends so faithfully reminded me that God wants to be well and in the end,  I will be well.  It is well, today, with my soul despite the weakness I feel. It is well with my soul.
Then in my morning devotional I was comforted by the truth that God does all things well. It was based off Tenth Avenue North's song "You do all things well" and the wonderful truth that God is "working beauty even out of ugly things".  
Even out of sickness and pain, something wonderful and even beautiful can come and has come. 
Then the scripture of the day on my Bible app led me to Romans 15:4-6 where Paul refers to God as the God of endurance and encouragement!
 For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
This continued... Every thing I looked at, the blogs I read, the Scripture I opened, and the wonderful wishes and visits from dear friends have lifted my Spirit and strengthend my body. I have been blessed to be able to visit with friends and not grow fiercely exhausted and been able to move a little better. It is a blessed and happy day indeed!
And so as this new 'age' comes I look forward to the what now? The where will this year bring me. Who will I meet. And the where will you lead me Lord?
What now? is not just a panic-stricken question tossed out into a dark unknown. What now? can also be our joy. It is a declaration of possibility, of promise, of chance. It acknowledges that our future is open, that we may well do more than anyone expected of us, that at every point in our development we are still striving to grow.” - Ann Patchett (found on Emily Freeman's blog Chatting at the Sky)

And so I ask, what now?

No comments:

Post a Comment

I would love to hear from you! Post a comment here:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...