Sunday, May 19, 2013


Today I am reminded of my humanness.  I continue to be extremely fatigued and experience a flare up of most of my symptoms since Thursday.  What I am experiencing is often referred to by those who have CFS as a 'crash' or more technically post-exertional malaise. That is one of the many difficulties with CFS - if you do too much you pay for it (and can pay for it for a long time).
Knowing this in my mind can be quite a hindrance. Crashing is not fun - especially when fatigue, weakness, headaches and other symptoms are bad before the crash even happens. It intensifies things quite exponentially.  Today I am in a lot of pain through out my body, extremely weak (eating lunch was difficult), and even more tired than normal. Today I had to take an hour long nap (that I was awakened from otherwise it would have been longer!) after being awake for only 3 hrs (which were mostly all spent in bed).  As I write this, I am having to take more breaks than usual as my head is sore and my hands are aching.  But despite being physically one of the worsts I have been, I am so grateful that I have less brain fog and can concentrate enough to write. 
I felt like I needed to share with you what lifted my spirit this morning. 
Like I mentioned yesterday, I am doing a devotional by Tenth Avenue North. (You can find it here). Today it was based off of one of the songs that has kept me going: 'Worn'. 
'Worn' is a song that admits to being weak and unable to carry on. It admits that the truth is that Christ can give rest but that sometimes it is all too much and becomes too hard to even lift up your eyes to Him. I can relate to this song and it gives me hope for sometimes it is too hard for me to do the things I know to be true - the things that bring truth, peace and comfort. But sometimes that is too much. 
The following quote comes to mind that has the same message of weakness - of inability to continue. It is by Hudson Taylor, who was one of the most amazing world-changers and missionary in China.  
“I am so weak that I can hardly write, I cannot read my Bible, I cannot even pray, I can only lie still in God’s arms like a little child, and trust.”
What a strong conclusion and hope that brings despite the weakest of feelings,  most inadequate of thoughts, or however tired your soul: that even when we cannot do anything, God still holds us. 
And even more, He does not require anything from us
The devotional ends with this:
He's after a responsive people, not a self-helped one. Live loved. That's our call. That is our job. Even when we're worn out, worn thin, and feel like we've got nothing left to offer Him, all He demands is our nothing. Like the old hymn says, "All the fitness He requires is to feel your need of Him…" Nothing is all we bring to Him because nothing is the place that He can fill.
We just need to come to Him - to Him who gives rest. 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 ESV)

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