Today I am grateful. I am grateful for today.
For continued strength that has carried me through this day. This day of beauty, warmth, love and wonder. This day that has held possibility and joy. This day where previous limits have been lifted. Where experiences that I haven't been able to fully enjoy and love have been done.
Today I went back to Village Church for the first time in many months. The church where I am a member and have been so challenged and through the challenging, have grown immensely in my faith.
I can relate that growth to my faith from the challenge I have been facing these past almost eight months now too. Today while reading Philip Yancey, I came across this:
"spiritual nourishment is best experienced in the wilderness"
I have been reading his book called Where is God when it hurts? and am already being touched, challenged and so affirmed in this period where it does hurt. (I will talk more about this in a post to come).
But thanks be to God it doesn't hurt quite as much. Acupuncture is doing me wonders. Health coaching is helping me cope and move toward greater healing. Doctors have been encouraging as both my integrative health doctor and internal specialist were so happy with my progress this past week. My integrative health doctor told me to believe him when he says I don't have chronic fatigue syndrome because it has no cure and I am getting better. And my specialist said that soon he thinks we will be able to talk about relapse prevention instead of symptom management (which included added Gabapentin to my list of drugs and increasing some sleeping medications).
My crashes (post exertional malaise - a key symptom of CFS/ME) is getter less and less. No longer does a car ride wipe me out of the rest of the day and I managed to go to my baby sister's grad banquet and though it was exhausting it was so worth it and by the next evening I had more energy than I have had in a long time.
I was reminiscing with one of my best friends about high school days. We even took out my high school year books. We were talking away with my baby sister and all of a sudden it was nine o'clock. We talked for hours and I wasn't even in bed resting my head. Sitting for hours around the table is something I haven't been able to do in the longest time. It was so encouraging. And so normal!!!
As I am writing this post, I am sitting at a park overlooking the sun setting into the ocean below. One of my favourite things in the whole world.
And it was even better than I could have dreamed it to be. I was even excited about getting my first mosquito bite. And you know why? Because it means I am living. I am doing more. Doing what I love. And getting out of bed.
When you have no experience of pain, it is rather hard to experience joy- George Wald
On the way home a song by Jake Bugg was playing (yes, I can enjoy listening to music again!) and the part of the chorus says,
I got out, I got out, I'm alive and I'm here to staySo I hold two fingers up to yesterday
And though I don't condone the rest of the song, I felt these words resonate with my life.
So here is to hoping and praying that I can metaphorically hold up two fingers and say peace to what the last while has held.
"Hold two fingers up to yesterday. But also take it slow. Being joyful for all that I have. "