Today

Today I am grateful.  I am grateful for today. For today is all we have. It is all we will ever have.
There are no guarantees.  No assurances of a tomorrow.
So why do I worry and become anxious about tomorrow?
Why do I try and stop my dreaming because there is possibility i may never live out that dream?
Why am I so scared of failing that I let anxiety about the future dictate today?
When today is what we have.
Today is here.
Not tomorrow's worries or excitements.
Today's worries and excitements are here now.
So choose now.  Choose now to be open.  Choose now to be in the now.
Not stuck in the past or stuck in your dreamland future.
Choose now. Choose today.
Because today is what we have.   

So choose it.  Choose it and love it. Love today for today.  Not for what yesterday's past or tomorrow's future may be.  Love today. Choose to love it. Choose love now. Choose today now. Choose to be grateful that today you could love, be loved, and find more love. For today I am grateful. I am grateful that I have today and can love today for today.  Not for yesterday's regrets or tomorrow's worries. But for today. For what I can do today. I can love today. I choose to love today. 

These words were swirling around my head all day yesterday. But I couldn't seem to write them down. I think fear was stopping me. Fear in believing these words. 
But as I lay down to sleep last night I could no longer keep them in my head but needed to write them so they could take a place in my heart.  
The words came effortlessly.  My heart knew them but needed my mind to say them. 
My heart can say these words now but it needs practice.  Time to memorize them. Time to engrave them on itself. 

Recently someone new has entered into this journey.  Someone who knows what it is like and who has made it to the other side.  Someone to talk to and work through the fears.  Even realize the fears so that I can then try and work through them. 
In talking with her, she noticed I fixate a lot on the future - and the fear of it.  The fear of its unknown.  The worry of being let down again when my dreams cannot be lived out but are forced to remain dreams. 
Because of that fear, I sometimes try and stop myself from dreaming.  From setting goals for the future.  To protect myself.  To keep myself safe.  
But in doing so I haven't focused on the dreams of today.  The things I love today.  The things I can do today.  But rather have stayed in this fear of what the future may hold. 
But this fear is irrational.  For God goes before me and is here with me now.  He gives me courage and reason to let go of fear. 

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." (Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV)

I find myself hoping in the future. Hoping for the future. And not hoping in Him.  
Being anxious of what my life will be, instead of rejoicing in what it is.  Hoping for joy, instead of seeking joy today.  Being grateful for the work He will do in my life, instead of being grateful for the work He is doing.  Delighting in Him now and resting in His goodness now.  Resting in His goodness in this time of suffering, not despite it. 

So today I choose to be thankful.  I choose to live in His love, joy, and hope.  I choose to live today and cast my anxieties and worries on Him who cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). 


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